soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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