so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
