never play flip cup with pint glasses
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
