so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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