this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
