$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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