I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
