I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
