There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
