The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can you repeat that, but with context?