turn off your phone and go to bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now