He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?