If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?