is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
