Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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