Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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