Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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