It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
