Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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