She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
