He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
