I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize