Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my nose is crying tears of wow.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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