Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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