i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
