I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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