was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
