MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
