You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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