She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
