Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
