I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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