she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
