yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
