I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
