I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am mentally ready for anal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
