he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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