she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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