just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
