Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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