the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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