She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
