my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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