In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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