her vagine was all disorganized.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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