I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is my gift to your gina
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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