Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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