Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
