sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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