On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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