hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
