clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
