i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
