You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
