fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
