i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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