I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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