i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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