East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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