Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
