Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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