is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
