I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
