You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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