We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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