No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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