hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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