Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
