It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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