i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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