If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
