Your face is a jimmy john
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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