My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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