i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
