So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he thought i was a dude.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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