guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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