The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
