I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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