Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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