Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
