dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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