Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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