Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
