just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
