Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
