Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
