then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
