Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
